I tried to make him see the error of his ways. “It’s like a hamburger bun,” I said, “the rounded part is the top and the flat part is where you put the food.” Unmoved, he replied, “A bun is cut in half—that’s why it has a flat part. You can’t cut a cracker in half, so the stuff should go on top.”
Not that it makes any difference to me if he wants to make all his cheese and crackers upside down, but he was making mine, too. And having all my crackers wrong side up is disturbing to me in a way that few things are. The only thing that bugs me as much is the way he folds towels (also wrong) crosswise instead of lengthwise. When it’s lengthwise, it’s ready to hang on a towel bar. When it’s crosswise (WRONG) it has to be refolded to hang on the towel bar. Need I even state that is grossly inefficient? (And wrong.)
And as if to prove just how doggone belligerent he is (and believe it or not, as I’m typing this he’s telling me that I’ve spelled belligerent wrong in spite of the fact that spell check is happy as a clam) he came up here, plopped down and proceeded to correct my translation of his argument. Then he decided he’d show me how to spell belligerent, and looked it up in the dictionary. I’ll give you one guess who was WRONG.
So, I’ve decided to let him have this next paragraph to make his case for the upside down cracker configuration:
The cracker, like the bun, has a flat bottom because it is baked on a flat surface with the rounded (top) side up. The bun, when used as intended, has an exposed rounded side not because it is turned upside down, but because it is sliced through the middle and the contents are placed in the center leaving the rounded top up and exposed. For the bun/cracker comparison to be valid, the cracker would need to be sliced through the middle and have the mayo and cheese placed between the halves.
Is anybody still reading? Helllooo…it’s me again. Yeah, I know. See what I live with? Every day. For-ev-er.
So now that we’ve both said our respective piece, it’s your turn. Should the saltine go salt side up, or salt side down? Which of us is right, and which of us, despite our fancy-pants argument, is yet again wrong?