Name that Name

So, I’m shopping at Penney’s the other day and over the intercom a voice says, “Lacey Baum, please come to the service desk….Lacey Baum, please come to the service desk.” 

 Seriously?  Somebody named their daughter Lacey Baum?  Because, you know, if I didn’t know better, I’d think maybe Molly was working at JCP these days.  If I ever hear Phil McCracken, or Bea O’Problem paged, I’m going to be really suspicious.

 But apparently this is a real person, because it’s not the first time I’ve heard this poor girl paged at Penney’s.  The first time I heard it, I ended up doubled over, snorting and laughing as I propped myself up against a rack of baby clothes.  I have to say, though that I am impressed that ol’ Lacey Baum is gainfully employed.  You know, a name like that might be some sort of self-fulfilling prophesy sort of deal.  It’s not too hard to envision ol’ Lacey, 40 years old, sittin’ on her parents’ couch, eatin’ cornies, watchin’ Springer, and becoming irate when her mom asks her if she’s looked for a job yet.  You can almost hear her snarl, “No, Mom, I’m a LACEY BAUM, remember?!” 

 Still, I’m thinking maybe the reason I hear her paged every time I’m in the store these days is because, indeed, you have to holler at least twice to get her to do anything.  She’s all like, “Hel-lo, I’m on break over here—yeah, that’s right the Lacey Baum is on break–again.”

 Really, people, let’s think this through before we hang some horrible curse of a name on our kids, k?  Maybe that needs to be something that’s discussed in those pre-natal classes.  Or maybe it’s something that should be included in baby name books.  Forget the meaning of the name—let’s point out that it rhymes with some bodily function, or sounds like something obscene. 

The future Harry Butts of the world will thank us for it.

Posted in humor. Tags: , , . 8 Comments »

8 Responses to “Name that Name”

  1. Melanie Says:

    I went to school with a girl named Pepsi Hooker. I suppose that’s better than Coke Hooker.

    And, I’m sorry about the loss you and yours is going thru right now. We’ve had a bit of that around here as well.

  2. Kylie Says:

    Maybe Lacy Baum is really a code word for “there’s some crazy lady trying to return torn, smoke-filled, 10 year old jeans from the Gap again! Come to customer service quick!” Or maybe I just spent too much time in mall retail.

  3. Kylie Says:

    Oh, and there was a boy in grade school named My Quotch…hee hee…. Seriously though, there really was, ask Kerry. I believe she has the year book to prove it.

  4. Kylie Says:

    One more. I briefly worked for a man named Harry Bunns.

  5. Theresa Says:

    Oh Yeah! I can add to this… there’s the twins, wait for it…
    lemonjello and orangejello; with a fancy pronunciation to make up for it. Oh, and the proctologist Ano Ram. Was ther a mention of fulfilling prophecy?

  6. The organ grinder Says:

    There was a student at ISU several years ago whose name was Sno Ellen and of course her last name was White. I don’t remember ever seeing 7 short guys following her around though. Lucky for her that Prince Charming came along and changed that last name.

    I grew up in a neighborhood with a family who thought they had given their girls pretty names. Later the father was heard to say, “We named the girls Rebecca and Faye. Then they got married and now they are Becky Butts and Faye Funk.” So I guess parents don’t really have the final say, do they?

  7. Amanda Says:

    Melanie, did you go to Jamaica? I went to school with Pepsi Hooker, too. God help us all if there is more than one.

    *feels a little bad for making fun of the poor girl*

  8. cortney Says:

    Marijuana Pepsi-Cola Jackson was a girl my mom grew up with.

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