My Fate Rests in Your Hands

So, the other day I got this letter in the mail inviting me to a breast cancer powwow.  The letter and event brochure came in an envelope with my name and address on it.  You may not think that’s significant.  You may be thinking, “Well, Moody, how else would they address it?  Surely you wouldn’t expect them to just send out a mass mailing addressed to ‘current resident’ would you?”  I’m not so sure that I wouldn’t.  Because the letter itself opened with the greeting: Dear Person with a Diagnosis of Breast Cancer.

 Gee, how do they make it feel so doggone personal?  Amazing!  I feel so loved.

 The letter is signed by Patsy, who took the time to actually sign her name along with her impressive alphabet of credentials, which is obviously more important than taking the time to address me by my name.  Now granted, my name doesn’t normally have a bunch of fancy pants letters after it, but thanks to ol’ Patsy, I can now call myself Moody Foodie, PWDBC.  That is my identity these days, right?  Person with a diagnosis of breast cancer?  Or current resident.  It’s kind of a toss up.

 These items came from Union Hospital  in conjunction with The Maple Center in Terre Haute.  I did my radiation at Hux Cancer Center, so I’m assuming that’s how I got on their list.  Ironically, Patsy makes a point of telling me to “Rest assured that your name and address has been kept confidential.”  My name, you say?  And what might that be?  Hmm?  Current resident?  Person with a Diagnosis of Breast Cancer?  Shhh! Someone might steal my identity!  (And, Patsy, it’s HAVE.  They HAVE been kept confidential.  Good grief, you’re making us sound like illiterate hilljacks.  Dang.)

 I know you’re all anxious to hear about this cancer powwow I’ve been invited to.  It’s called “Celebration of Life”.  Okay, not bad so far, although I have most often heard that phrase used in regard to funerals.  But, I can get past that if it’s going to be some super cool event, right?  Says it’s a “one day seminar to pamper inspire, energize and teach.”  So, it sounds like it has potential.  I mean, pamper sounds like pedicures and hot stone massages, right?  And that thing about teaching sounds good.  I’m all about education.  I bet they’ll be doing sessions about breast reconstruction techniques, and post-chemo fertility issues facing young women, and all sorts of relevant stuff.  

 Let’s take a look at the brochure together, shall we? 

 Oh.  Wow.  One of the first session options is “Cultivating Support on Your Journey: Using Collage.” Dude, they just used the J word.  And collage?  Collage?  Seriously?  I realize that I am biased, in that I have always and forever considered collage to be the lamest form of art (and I use the term loosely) known to man, but this makes me want to go straight for my eye-poking spork. 

 But it’s got to get better, right?  Surely there’s a pedicure in there somewhere.  Let’s look at our options for the second session.  “Wisdom Circle (Sharing insight): Using guidelines from the Wisdom Circle Format inspired by councils of indigenous people, this circle discussion using a talking object allows us to share wisdom and compassion.”  What kind of Mickey Mouse new-agey crap is that?  Because we all know that there’s no wisdom or compassion without a “talking object”.  <insert eye roll here>  But, hey, if we must use an object to talk for us, I volunteer The Foob.  He may not be wise or compassionate, but doggone it, he’ll sound French as he says, “You do not need Zee Foob, or zee wisdom circle, you need a zinnamon latte—now zuck it up!”

 I’m torn.  Going to this thing would no doubt give me SO much material.  Yet, do I really want to spend a day collaging and getting my weirdness on in the wisdom circle?  This thing is March 7th, so I have a little time.  Perhaps I’ll leave it to you to decide. 

11 Responses to “My Fate Rests in Your Hands”

  1. Mary Creger Says:

    Oh please go!!! please! take your purple nailpolish and ask them to do the toes!after they use the talking object !
    By the way, I can tell you from my experience as an art teacher and artist that collage done right can be a very beautiful form of art. However, it is rarely done right.

  2. Michelle Says:

    You must go! They need a good dose of you and your humor. Take Zee Foob with you!!

  3. Evalyn Says:

    You should’ve never left it in our hands–definitely votin’ for you to go!

  4. Ryan Says:

    OK, this is a prime opportunity for a social experiment.
    You will hate this event for sure, but just go in and try to be SO opposite of these people that you actually piss someone off. Now I don’t mean be insensitive, just be REAL.
    Question every goofy melodramatic idea they project and, well, act like I would!! You will be guaranteed fodder for about 20 blogs, and you never know, you could start a fight at a cancer event.
    Also, stop whining about the form letter. Sorry poor old Patsy didn’t take the time to save 150 of the same letter with different names!! GEEZ!

  5. Mamma Jamma Says:

    I think you should go because you could learn about the wisdom circle format and use it at our next pie night. Or maybe we could replace the annual Christmas wig tradition with the “talking object”. Hmmm, what do you think?

  6. Lizz Says:

    O-My-Gosh – I don’t know how ANYONE could pass up the opportunity to go to an event like this. Collage and talking objects all in one day – I don’t know if I could stand it!

    Maybe the talking object is like one of those, oh what were they called, see-n-say toys – where you move the arrow over the letter and it says “C Cow” etc.. but theirs would say:

    “C” – Cancer, Chemo,
    “M’ – Mammogram
    “J” – Journey
    “R” Radiation, Reconstruction
    “P” Puke, Pathology
    “H” Hickman

    Or maybe they’ll have a talking Cancer Journey Barbie and Ken – what could possibly be more precious than that?

    Of course, I voted that you and the Foob must attend.

    I know you’re counting the days.

    Ps – I have sent tons of mailings out in the past with my business. Every letter was personally addressed to the recipient. With today’s software programs, contact management programs and databases it only takes a second to put in a field for the persons first name.

    Of course, being addressed as Person with a Diagnosis of Breast Cancer makes you feel all warm, fuzzy and special, right?

  7. The Moody Foodie Says:

    Y’all really don’t like me very much, do ya?

    Mary~ The description for the collage session says “Join us as we explore the use of collage imagery and words to create an inner guide that will support you on your life’s journey.” Since you’re all about the collage, I’m sure you’ve collaged yourself up an “inner guide” before, right? Whatever that is….I don’t know, but I’ll be sure to ask the talking object to explain it to me.

    Michelle~ Indeed, they probably do need a dose of humor, but somehow I doubt they’d see it that way.

    Ryan~ You’ve got man boobs, right? Why don’t you just come with me? No one would question you, and if they did you could tell them “No, I don’t have breast cancer, but I’m a BIG fan of wisdom circles, so I just had to come anyway.”

    Mamma~ Actually, I was thinking instead of calling you myself, that next time I’d have a sock call you for me. Or maybe a pot holder.

    Lizz~ You’ve inspired another post. Thanks!

  8. Mary Creger Says:

    Of course I have colleged myself up an inner guide~~how in the world do you think art therapists earn their money. By the way, please remind me to never again go to the art therapy session at my cancer center. I walked out laughing my big patootie off and my companion (and sister) punched me in the arm for being sarcastic about the command of art teaching the poor art therapist had. I never ever tried to get my students to explore their inner beings in collage. Heck they were having a hard time with their outer beings, saggy pants, low cut blouses and hormone crazed minds as all middle school students have. I just tried to get them to pay attention to color theory, line definition and maybe a little texture to boot. Collage can be quite nice if it is done correctly!

  9. Mary Creger Says:

    I still think that you should go to that function. I am sure that you will have a grand ol’ time!!!!

  10. imdaddysgirl Says:

    Oh yeah! You’ve gotta go! We must know what the talking object is!!! My best guess is a pullstring Chester Chimp type thing from my childhood. I also had a pull string woody woodpecker, maybe it’s like that. Or, it could be a Teddy Ruckspin. Or a hand puppet. Or ventriloquist doll!!!! That would be good! Also, poor Patsy can’t let you know if she knows your name or you could sue her and the facility for a breach of confidentiality. State of the times.

  11. imdaddysgirl Says:

    Weird. I just got an email notice of this blog today… my response may not persuade you at this point! Has THE EVENT already happened?

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