Comfortably Numb with a Side of Cheese Fries

Although The Noob fills out the bra and at least appears pretty normal while camouflaged by clothing, the fact remains that it is not an actual boob.  One of the primary reminders of this—other than the weird contortion thing it does when I lift weights, implant being under the muscle and all—is the fact that it has no feeling. 

 Now you might think that, having owned a set of boobs for a good many years, I wouldn’t need to actually feel danger in order to keep my boobs out of trouble.  However, since having The Noob, I’ve discovered that apparently having nerves that work is what kept my boobs safe and intact for so long.  For example, I’ll often find myself holding something in my hand, only to discover that it’s also resting on my boob.  This happened just last night.  As I stood there holding a ginormous vanilla Coke, and chatting with a couple of friends, I suddenly realized that my cup was meeting some resistance.  That resistance was The Noob, which was just hanging out minding it’s own numb business.  Oddly enough, I don’t ever recall this happening on the boob side, or for that matter ever happening when I had two boobs.  I moved my Coke away from The Noob, only to feel the same resistance again a minute later. 

 So I’m thinking, perhaps there are some things that I just should not be allowed to hold in my hand anymore.  Especially not when being distracted by conversation.  The big Coke cup was relatively harmless, but you know, the same cannot be said for things like an ice cream cone.  Granted, this is probably not going to be an actual danger, but it won’t look real cool to have a big smear of DQ crunch on The Noob.  Not to mention that it would be a waste of crunch. 

 Or a torch.  You know, the old school, explore the catacombs type.  Not that I’m often carrying  torch, but I’m just sayin’.  Bad idea.  Especially if silicone is flammable.  Wouldn’t want to spontaneously combust. (buh dump bump)  And maybe I should not attempt to use a Sharpie.  Although I did have to write on my boobs prior to surgery, and I did discover that Mr Clean Magic Eraser will remove surgical marker from skin—-I think I should leave the permanent markers alone.  I have a bad enough track record ruining things I can actually feel.

 An ice pick, hatchet, and a set of Ginsu knives are all off limits, as is the sharp edge of the can that the Ginsu knife just cut in half.  I’m thinking I may also want to avoid other sources of open flame, boiling pots of water, cans of paint, big plates of cheese fries, Kung Pao Chicken, or anything else that I might accidentally dunk The Noob into. 

 Surely I’m not the only reconstructed cancer girl who has had this type of experience.  Anyone care to share their numb noob stories?

5 Responses to “Comfortably Numb with a Side of Cheese Fries”

  1. Davis Says:

    have you tried Googling “numb noob”?

  2. Lizz Says:

    Ok, I got bored, I googled Numb Noob – what I found in my quick search was:

    Someone was getting their Noob’s haircut – I really didn’t want to see a noob getting a haircut so I passed that by, I figured it didn’t apply to you – unless your noob has grown hair (hopefully not).

    There was the Noob Mohawk (apparently after the haircut gone wrong?)

    A noob discussion forum on Noobs Smoking Cigars (might want to add that to your list of things to stay away from LOL)

    Noobs with numb fingers and toes (hopefully you won’t be sprouting any of those – that would be a whole other post on wardrobe issues)

    I’m sure this list could go on and on but really, the mental image of a noob with a mohawk and numb fingers and toes was enough to make me quit while I was ahead.

    However, I did a google on numbness after reconstruction and although less entertaining, apparently this is common and unfortunately, often a permanent side-effect of the surgery. However, it varies from one individual to another as time and healing progresses.


  3. Mary Creger Says:

    I wanna know if you guys, Lizz, Davis and Moodie Foodie, are smokin’ dope!!~~~!!!

  4. Pam Says:

    Maybe you should just get a cup-holder for your noob?

    from a fellow survivor and “stuff Christians like” reader

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