Where’s My Donut?

My girl Tanya sent me an email yesterday to let me know about the National Cancer Survivors Day—this Sunday!  So, I’m thinking, “As a breast cancer survivor, I already get to claim the entire month of October, so another day seems kind of greedy.  But gee, Cancer Survivor’s Day does sound mighty fun.  Especially if it involves free pedicures, lattes and donuts.  Which I’m sure it does, because otherwise what would be the point, right?  And I can overlook the having The Cancer waved in front of my face one more time, as long as there’s caffeine and sugar and hot pink nail polish.”

 So, I went to the official website for this thing.  And this is what I read:

“National Cancer Survivors Day is held annually in hundreds of communities throughout the world on the first Sunday in June. It is a symbolic event to demonstrate that life after a cancer diagnosis can be a reality.”

 Huh?  So, are they saying this isn’t for the survivors, it’s for everyone else so they can know we survived?  Is that really necessary?  I mean, do people think that you’re diagnosed and immediately drop dead?  What kind of made-up-after-the-fact holiday is that, anyway?  It’s like the Kwanzaa of disease days or something.  And where’s my donut?  I survived the filth-flarnin’ cancer, dadgummit, if you’re gonna have a day for me there’d better be a big fat wad of glazed, yeasty goodness at this deal.  My tolerance for being exploited for somebody’s do-gooder efforts is directly proportional to the amount of free coffee available, and the availability of a pedicure, chair massage, or some other form of pampering. 

 But, I see that this is a “symbolic” event.  I’m not sure that I understand that, but I think it means that while there isn’t anything free, there are plenty of items available for purchase, including a stylish visor.  (Think of it as your survivor colors—you know, like The Diablos or Hell’s Angels, only instead of looking scary and tough, you look like a dork wearing a hat that says “Woo hoo! I got The Cancer!”)  There are also these spiffy magnetic flag pole things for your car that look suspiciously like the little flags your car wears when you’re part of a funeral procession.  (Yes, really.)  And I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt.  Maybe it’s not that they figure, “Well, you did have The Cancer, so you know it’s just a matter of time before you need this thing for your funeral.”  Maybe it’s because, like reusable water bottles, having your own funeral flag is the hipster thing to do.  So when the flagman comes around, you can say, “Thanks, but I brought my own.”

9 Responses to “Where’s My Donut?”

  1. Davis Says:

    that website does sound a little confusing, but congratulations anyway

  2. Caffeine Says:

    I can’t believe it. It is like the funeral flags. Their idea of celebrating really doesn’t bring me encouragement. I would like to pampered too.

  3. Bagel Sis Says:

    Now I want a donut. Thanks.

    • The Moody Foodie Says:

      Just now you want a donut? Because I live pretty much in a state of perpetual donut want.

  4. Pam Says:

    Loved these quotes from the press release:
    “The activities will be as diversified as the towns and cities where the events are held and will include parades, carnivals, races, art exhibits, ball games, contest, dances, inspirational programs and more. [pedicures would be part of MORE if things were right with the world.]”

    “A ‘survivor’ is anyone living with a history of cancer – from the moment of diagnosis through the remainder of life,” as defined by the Foundation. Cancer survivors may face many challenges such as hindered access to cancer specialists and promising new treatments, inadequate or no insurance, financial hardships, employment problems and psychological struggles. “Despite these difficulties, cancer survivors can live active, productive lives,” says Chadwell.

    This is oh-so-cheerful.

    I think I might take my surviving self (between diagnosis and dropping dead) off to my nephew’s graduation party like I’d planned. Ah well. No tiaras again. . .

    • The Moody Foodie Says:

      Cancer survivors may face many challenges such as having their identity permanently attached to a disease, lack of spa services, and a shortage of funeral flags for their cars.

  5. Mary Creger Says:

    We also may face a real shortage of good donuts….Dunkin type rather than Krispie whateverthey thinkthosehorridlardandsugarbombs are…to go on our funeral cars along with the flags….and by the way, neither the flags nor a good supply of Dunkins are available to South Carolinians, much to my plain ol’ midwestern dismay!!!
    Guess I’ll have to go off my diet while vacationing in Michigan and eat plenty of Dunkins and Tim Hortons cuz I sure don’t eat donuts south of the Mason Dixon Line.

  6. Tanya Says:

    Hi! Just wanted to drop in to wish you a happy “I kicked the cancer’s a** day.” Hope it was filled with donuts, balloon hats, and Elvis kisses!

    • The Moody Foodie Says:

      In fact, it wasn’t filled with anything the least bit cancer related, which in my opinion makes it a very good day indeed.

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