There haven’t been too many haters show up here. Except for Jamie, the person who told us all that we were collectively lame and needed to “get real” because we made fun of breast cancer Barbie. Funny, I haven’t heard a peep out of ol’ whatsherface since I explained that I’ve got a 10 inch scar across my chest that gives me the right to dis’ BC Barbie all the livelong day. Of course, it could be that she was just so disgusted by our fun that she’s never come back. But I like to think that it was the verbal beat-down she got that silenced her. Take that, fun sucker.
Sometimes, I write things that I know might provoke those humor vigilantes out there. Of course, I do enjoy a certain amount of immunity. You know, one of the perks of having The Cancer is the immunity you gain. I think this may be rooted in the pity people feel, which would probably annoy me if I really thought about it, but I don’t. I just enjoy the benefit.
In real life, the Cancer Immunity was way more powerful when I was bald. Shoot! You can get away with just about anything when it’s obvious you’ve got The Cancer. If I were smart, I would have robbed a bank or held up Starbucks. Chemo brain would have ensured that I forgot where I left the getaway car, and I’d have had to run away on foot. Sure, I’d be easy to spot—you don’t see too many bald women running around with big bags of money slung over their shoulder (like a continental soldier)—but gee, can you see me getting arrested like that? No way! They’d feel too sorry for me.
But these days, I don’t get much protection from The Cancer Immunity, because it’s not obvious to the random person I run into. Dang it. I don’t want The Cancer, but I want Cancer Immunity forever. I do get a little bit of that when I blog though, since the blog started because of The Cancer and I continue to talk a lot about The Cancer. However, there is one fear that always looms over me when I post snarky things about breast cancer awareness: the fear of getting hated on by The Komen.
So, the other day when I got an email from Mildred Jones* with the subject line “Susan G Komen for the Cure” my mind flew immediately to all the smart-alecky things I’ve ever written about the pink ribbon, survivor walks, etc. Oh crap. It’s the Pink Mafia. I’m in trouble now. They’re gonna bring that pink ribbon cement truck over here and make me some new shoes to go swimming in.
I must just have a guilty conscience. All Mildred really wanted was to see if I was planning to be a team captain at the Race for the Cure in October. Guess she hasn’t read my blog after all.
*Not her real name, because like I said, I don’t want to anger The Komen. Nothing to see here, Komen. Move along.