It’s always amusing to me when the government decides to tell us something about ourselves that we already know. This condescension usually follows some expensive study or precedes some expensive program, paid for by our tax dollars. So, today I saw the following headline, and I couldn’t help but share it with you: Massachusetts Proposes Weighing, Measuring Students. It seems the state government there is concerned about rising obesity, and part of their plan to combat this “includes height and weight measurements for all public school first-, fourth-, seventh-, and 10th-graders, to determine whether they are overweight. Results would be sent home to parents along with diet and exercise recommendations.”
Oh. Heck. No. Couple of thoughts here.
Okay, first of all, in this strained economy, can I get a show of hands from those who think that this is something we need to be spending money on? I mean, come on, who doesn’t know if their kid is fat? Myrtle doesn’t need the school weighing and measuring her little Bubba Jack—she’s the one who has to keep his portly behind suited up in husky sizes. Second of all, while this might be welcomed with open arms in Massachusetts, I guarantee you it would never fly in Terre Haute, Indiana, where the motto is “If you want my breaded tenderloin, you’ll have to pry it out of my cold, dead hands.” In The Haute, parents would be like, “Ain’t nobody gonna tell me what to feed MY kid! Why, if Pete’s Pride pork fritters and RC Cola were good enough for me, then doggone it, they’re good enough for—hey, you gonna eat that?” Thirdly, this type of thing would only serve as something for kids to rebel against. And can you imagine the peer pressure? “Come on, Harvey, all the cool kids are eating cheese fries.” Poor healthy Harvey’d be gettin’ his butt kicked on the playground for packin’ rice cakes in his lunch. How sad is that?
Besides, I have a hard time believing that those east coast kids are really all that chunky anyway. At least compared to the kids here in the Midwest. While New England kids are growing up on seafood, and, well, whatever else it is they eat over there, young Hoosiers are busy giving the Chinese buffet a run for its money. In fact, I bet if Massachusetts compared their fat kids to our fat kids, they’d find that they are sorely lacking in the cellulite department.
Amateurs. Crying wolf over there with your “fat” kids. We’ll show you some fat kids—just as soon as we get done eatin’.