Pink Ribbon Overload: There is No Escape

 

Congratulations to our friend Ashlee, who managed to snap a picture of the elusive pink ribbon tiny hair tongs.  Speaking from experience, I’d say these might come in particularly handy when you finally decide that no amount of mascara is going to make your two remaining eyelashes look like a full set.

 

  And then there’s this.  What is it, you ask?  Well, DUH!  It’s a thing to hold your spoon for you, silly!  Because really, who has time to hold their own spoon anymore?  Sheesh!  Next thing you know you’ll be telling me you expect me to actually make my own peanut butter and jelly sandwiches!  Notice also, the pink ribbon coffee to the right of the spoon holder thingies.  See what I mean, folks?  There is no escape. Don’t be tryin’ to forget you’ve got The Cancer during the month of October.   Ain’t gonna happen.

 Finally, we have some mighty pink earphones.  Now, I’m actually kinda diggin’ these things.  At least they’re bright pink, and not all pastel, wimpy pink.  Besides, when you’re wearing them, you wouldn’t actually be able to see them to be reminded about your cancer.

 Tomorrow is it—the end of Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  I’ve saved a few of my favorites for tomorrow’s post, so check back then.  And thanks to everyone who submitted photos—you guys made it way more fun than it would have been if it were just me.

Pink Ribbon Overload: If You Can’t Take the Pink, Get Out of the Kitchen

Sometimes, pink ribbon products sneak home unnoticed.  I present Exhibit A: The Pink Ribbon Broccoli.  I picked this up at the store on Friday, but didn’t notice until Monday that it’s breast cancer broccoli.  Mmmmm!  That sounds almost as yummy as Tanya’s breast cancer soup!  If I can find some pink ribbon Velveeta, we’d be all set for some breast cancer broccoli cheese soup.

 

We also have Exhibit B: The rare albino pink ribbon edition Kitchen Aid Mixer, as submitted by Jennifer.  I say rare because Kitchen Aid is well known for its pink, really, really pink product line.   Jennifer noted, If you weren’t paying attention, you wouldn’t even realize the ribbon was there, no pink mixer, no excessive pinkness on the box….Maybe this is the way to do it, you can feel good about the pink ribbon purchase, but aren’t constantly reminded about the cancer every time you use it.  And, if you are gift-giving, it can be kind of like, ‘I donated to the pink ribbon in your name, and I got you this mixer as a token of their appreciation.’  Kind of like Save the Whales, but with the added advantage of a mixer instead of a paper certificate.” 

 

 Hey, I’m all for free kitchen gadgets.  Now all I need is that ribbon shaped cake pan

Pink Ribbon Overload: We’ve Got You Covered

I know what some of your are thinking.  “But Moody, I don’t have a cat, or wear thong underwear, and I air dry my hair—how can I participate in this pink ribbon madness?”  Fear not, my friends.  You see, there are plenty of pink ribbon items out there that don’t require pet ownership or purchase of something exotic like a thong or a blow dryer.

 

Fellow survivors, have you ever awoken in the middle of the night and wondered if this was all just a dream—you know, like J.R. getting shot?  Once when I was still bald, I dreamed that I all of a sudden had a bunch of hair.  But, middle of the night confusion won’t be an issue for the lucky girl who has a pink ribbon nightlight.  At 3:00 AM you can wake up and be reassured that yes, indeed, you’ve got The Cancer.  Sweet dreams.

 

Or if that’s not your cup of tea, how about this spiffy mug.  Is that a Jesus fish or a pink ribbon?  I guess maybe it’s a fish while you’re holding it upright, but when you drink out of it, well I’ll be darned, it’s a pink ribbon!  Why, that’s almost like two for the price of one!  And notice, my friends, that it has the words “survive” and “pray” all over it.  As in, pray you’ll survive, because you’ve got one foot in the grave, you know.  Is that inspirational or what?

 

But perhaps you already have a lot of pink ribbon gear, and what you’re really wanting is to be able to splash some pink into your bathroom.  How about a pair of rubber duckies?  Or maybe a pink ribbon toothbrush? 

 

 

If you’re lucky, you might even find some pink ribbon toilet paper.  After all, if cats have pink ribbon kitty litter, then toilet paper can’t be far behind, so to speak. 

 

Props to TC at Fish in My Hair for today’s overload items.

Pink Ribbon Overload: Back Off, Cancer!

 

Ah, if only it were that easy. 

 You know, if like, you actually had the chance to throw down with cancer.  If you were walking home late one night and cancer jumped out of an alley, and you had the chance to defend yourself before it took hold.  With your keys, and the one karate move you remember from that class you took when you were eight, and this: your official pink ribbon pepper spray.  “Back off, Cancer!!” you’d growl, “Don’t make me kick your can from here to Christmas.”  And Cancer would be thinking, “Uh-oh, this one’s got pepper spray,” and he’d turn and book straight back from whence he came.

 I found this display at the local Gander Mountain camping/hiking/hunting/fishing store, where you can also buy pink (although not officially pink ribbon) handguns.  So, for those of you who just don’t feel like pepper spray is quite adequate to express the feelings you have for cancer, you also have the opportunity to bust a cap in cancer’s @ss. 

Perhaps Nunya’s friend would like to get one to go with her sister’s Flava Flav pink ribbon pendant.  You know, to complete that whole breast cancer gangsta look.

Pink Ribbon Overload: It’s Scoopable

I know there’s been all kinds of speculation as to what the pink gloves are really used for.  Well, my friends, I think I’ve figured it out.  It’s not for doing self-exams, or for gardening, and you’re not even supposed to milk ‘em in spite of the fact that they look like udders.  Nope.  They are, in fact, made to be used in conjunction with the pink ribbon kitty litter submitted for your perusal by our friend Ryan. 

 Well, I’ll be darned!  And you thought your cat didn’t give a crap about your cancer.  

 And, hey, whenever you’re scooping lumps out of the litter box, that pink ribbon on the jug will remind you to look for your own lumps by doing your monthly exam.  Although, I hope you’re cleaning the box out more than once a month.  “Safe and Powerful Odor Control” only goes so far, you know.

Pink Ribbon Overload: Because Cows Hate The Cancer, Too!

 

Boy, was I glad I had the camera with me at Big Lots yesterday, or else I wouldn’t have been able to share this with you.  Heh heh.  Sure, the packaging says they’re garden gloves, but we’re all thinking they remind us of something else, aren’t we?  Okay, on the count of three, I want everyone to say it out loud, and with feeling. 

 One.   Two.  Three.

 

UDDERS!

 

An army of udders as a matter of fact.  How appropriate considering the subject matter. 

 

However, my first thought upon seeing this marvelous display was that perhaps they’re some sort of special equipment for doing those monthly breast self-exams.  What you really can’t appreciate from the picture is that the darker pink part on the fingers has this creepy, stringy, rubbery stuff that looks like a tumor sculpted out of bubble gum, and is apparently supposed to give the wearer a better grip.   I’m thinking that since it’s often advocated to do the ol’ BSE in the shower, this non-skid coating may be particularly handy. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pink Ribbon Overload: The Blow Dryer

Dear Madge,

I heard you started chemo, and I wanted to get you a little something to let you know how much I care.  I saw this pink ribbon blow dryer, and of course I thought of you, since cancer is your new identity and all. 

Buying one for you made me feel so doggone good about fighting cancer, that I decided to get one for myself, too.  Every time I dry my hair, I’ll think of you and say to myself, “Thank God I’m not bald like Madge.”

I hope you enjoy your blow dryer during the next two weeks that you still have hair.  Of course, you’ll have hair again some day—in about a year or so, you’ll even have enough to warrant a more than a towel dry!  And when that day comes, you’ll have this really pink dryer to remind you that once upon a time you were bald ’cause you had the cancer.

Your Friend,

Eunice

Pink Ribbon Overload: The Purses

Today’s item is one of several sent to me by my friend TC of Fish in My Hair.  Apparently, this is a kit to make your very own purse out a piece of polar fleece.  That’s great, because every time I have a tamoxifen-induced hot flash, I always wish I was lucky enough to be wearing an entire suit made of polar fleece, right down to the accessories. 

But, you know, it just didn’t seem complete to me.  I kept thinking, “But what about my change?  It’ll be rattling around in the bottom of my pink ribbon purse, which will cause me way too much stress when I go to purchase my plethora of pink ribbon products.”  And so, I found this great little number—the pink ribbon coin purse.  And, yeah, that’s right, it IS made from a sock.  I’m all classy like that.  Thanks for noticing.

Pink Ribbon Overload: Breast Cancer Soup

We kick off our series of breast cancer awareness products with an entry from my survivor friend, Tanya from North Carolina:

 

 

 

“Last October, when I was in the throws of chemo and was bald and my daughter (who was 7 at the time) was just getting comfortable with the whole “my Mom has breast cancer” thing…she was at the grocery store with my husband.  Of course, it being October, pink stuff was everywhere. 

  

Well when they get to the canned foods aisle, she sees a pink labeled can of chicken noodle and says to hubby “look, Daddy, breast cancer soup!”   

 

 Mmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmm, good.”

 

 

The Pink Parade, and Why I Won’t Be in It.

Saturday is the day of the local Race for the Cure.  Last year was my first year participating in this event, and I have to say, it was a good time.  When I did it last year, I was still mostly bald from chemo.  When I did it last year, it was the weekend before my mastectomy—in fact, I had the mastectomy date bumped out just so I could attend.  When I did it last year, I had only had two surgeries.  When I did it last year, I was another month away from beginning radiation. 

 

I didn’t participate in the survivor activities.  Didn’t go to the breakfast.  Skipped the survivor parade.  At the time, it just all felt really weird to me.  I was in the middle of my various treatments, and I didn’t feel like I’d survived much of anything yet.  Several of my survivor friends asked me, “Hey, where were you?” when they saw me after the parade, and I told them I’d just been hangin’ with the fam.  I was way more comfortable watching the parade than I’d had been walking in it.

 

Fast forward.

 

I’ve now done the radiation.  I’ve had three more surgeries.  I’ve been cut, and fried, and poisoned so much that people long ago got bored with my drama and stopped sending cards.  (Probably couldn’t afford to, what with the price of postage these days.)  My hair is long enough that if you didn’t know, you’d never know.  I suppose I’m probably an official survivor now, but I still don’t want to do the parade. 

 

This time last year, I thought maybe I’d feel differently the next time around.  I don’t.  I know that it’s supposed to be a celebration of survival, but to me, it still feels like “Woo hoo! I’ve got the cancer!”  You know, I’m not special because I’ve had to go through this crap.  I’m just me.  And I’ve gone through some crap.  That’s all.  And I don’t like the squirmy feeling I get inside when it seems that people are admiring me for simply living.  “Look at YOU!  We thought you were gonna die, and here you are breathing and everything!”

 

That’s not to say that I want to be all in the closet with my cancer experience or anything.  Obviously, that’s not the case.  If nothing else, I’d wear my pink shirt just because I think people need to see that there are a whole lot of young survivors.  (Isn’t it cute how I’ve somehow convinced myself that I’m still young?)  Maybe one of these days that will result in some better options for post-mastectomy garments.  The kind that say “Grrr!” instead of the kind that say “Grandma!” 

 

So, I’ll be at the Race, but I’ll pass on the survivor celebration.  I celebrate every day by living a normal life. 

 

p.s. Tomorrow is October 1, the official start of Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  (What?  Breast cancer?  Who ever heard of breast cancer?) Check in to see the first of my readers’ favorite pink ribbon products.