My friend Jody sent in these two entries, with the following comment: “I think you should get a pink ribbon tat & navel ring to celebrate Breast Cancer Awareness month! Here are a few for you to check out! If you don’t like these, don’t worry…they come in many different styles!”
You know, Jody, I was just thinking to myself the other day, “Why Self, can you believe you haven’t had a surgery, or any other sort of invasive cancer-related thing for nearly a year? I mean, gee Self, pretty soon you might just forget you ever had The Cancer and go back to a normal life. You know, aside from the implant, and the 10-inch long scar, and the newpple that’s made from a piece of your groin, there’s really nothing to remind you of the year you spent your summer vacation being bald and having no eyebrows. You know, Self, your memory is pretty bad, thanks to the Tamoxifen you take every night. How will you ever remember the summer after chemo when you only had one boob, and had to find a Foob compatible bathing suit to wear to the water park?”
I was really worried. I mean, gee, if there’s one thing I never want to forget, it’s the ridiculous constipation that chemo causes. So, Jody, I was SO glad when you emailed me the pink ribbon tattoo. Of course! Here I was planning to get my newpple tattooed to look more natural, and all along I was missing a grand opportunity! Why, with a pink ribbon tattoo on the noob, I’ll never forget about The Cancer. But gee, I just don’t know. It seems like such a waste to put all the awareness someplace where only I can enjoy it. So, I’m thinking perhaps I’ll go for the always classy neck tattoo.
Jody also suggested the navel ring. There again, who’s gonna see it? Hubster? Oh Honey, trust me, he’s already aware of The Cancer. Of course, given my penchant for the gaudy, there’s a good chance that gravity would have the Flava Flav sized ornament I’d pick stretching out my belly button, and swinging between my knees like a Focault pendulum. Still, just to be on the safe side, I think I should probably get a pink ribbon belly shirt to go along with it. Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to find one of those online though. A tube top might work, too, but I haven’t seen one of those either. Dang it. Maybe the belly button ring isn’t such a good awareness tool, after all.