Saltines & Marital Strife

You know, Hubster and I don’t argue much.  Most of the time, we’re a whole lot like two peas in a pod.  But sometimes, we nearly come to blows over the most basic matters of right and wrong. 
Why can’t he understand that the proper way to eat a saltine is with the salt side down, and the flat side up?  He says that the salt side is the “top” and should face up. Therefore anything you put on it (in this case mayo & cheese) should go on the salty side. 
Clearly, he couldn’t be more wrong. 

I tried to make him see the error of his ways.  “It’s like a hamburger bun,” I said, “the rounded part is the top and the flat part is where you put the food.”  Unmoved, he replied, “A bun is cut in half—that’s why it has a flat part.  You can’t cut a cracker in half, so the stuff should go on top.”

Not that it makes any difference to me if he wants to make all his cheese and crackers upside down, but he was making mine, too.  And having all my crackers wrong side up is disturbing to me in a way that few things are.  The only thing that bugs me as much is the way he folds towels (also wrong) crosswise instead of lengthwise.  When it’s lengthwise, it’s ready to hang on a towel bar.  When it’s crosswise (WRONG) it has to be refolded to hang on the towel bar.  Need I even state that is grossly inefficient?  (And wrong.)

And as if to prove just how doggone belligerent he is (and believe it or not, as I’m typing this he’s telling me that I’ve spelled belligerent wrong in spite of the fact that spell check is happy as a clam) he came up here, plopped down and proceeded to correct my translation of his argument.  Then he decided he’d show me how to spell belligerent, and looked it up in the dictionary.  I’ll give you one guess who was WRONG.

So, I’ve decided to let him have this next paragraph to make his case for the upside down cracker configuration:

The cracker, like the bun, has a flat bottom because it is baked on a flat surface with the rounded (top) side up.  The bun, when used as intended, has an exposed rounded side not because it is turned upside down, but because it is sliced through the middle and the contents are placed in the center leaving the rounded top up and exposed.  For the bun/cracker comparison to be valid, the cracker would need to be sliced through the middle and have the mayo and cheese placed between the halves.

Is anybody still reading?  Helllooo…it’s me again.  Yeah, I know.  See what I live with?  Every day.  For-ev-er. 

So now that we’ve both said our respective piece, it’s your turn.  Should the saltine go salt side up, or salt side down?  Which of us is right, and which of us, despite our fancy-pants argument, is yet again wrong?

16 Responses to “Saltines & Marital Strife”

  1. Christine Says:

    I found you! Yea! I can laugh again (not that I ever stopped). I’m sorry, I’ll have to side with your husband on the saltines. However, you are soooo right about the towels. Please don’t tell me there’s a problem with the toilet paper!
    A fellow Hoosier,

  2. Gretchen Says:

    Crackers go flat side down and salt side up when putting toppings on the crackers. When eating crackers straight from the package, always pop them in your mouth salty side down. Good mothers lick the salt from the cracker before giving it to young children.

    Towels are folded lengthwise so that when unfolded they cover your entire body. On a side note, if there is a design, the towel needs to be folded with the design on the outside so that it can be seen. Also, towels are not horseshoes or hand granades. That means that close doesn’t count. Take the time to fold them neatly square.

  3. The Moody Foodie Says:

    Are you an engineer?

  4. The Moody Foodie Says:

    Hey Christine~
    Glad you found me. Always good to ear from a fellow Hoosier.

  5. Preacher's Wife Says:

    I eat my crackers salty side up, I think. I honestly don’t remember thinking to myself as I take a cracker out of the package and start to take a bite, “Oh, wait! Let me see if you’re in the correct position–yeah, you’ve got it—salty side up!” If I did though, it would definitely be flat side down, salty side up—I think I like to see the little puffy designs….The towels, however, take your side!!!

  6. Kelley Says:

    You put mayo on a cracker? Cheese I can see, even peanut butter…not mayo. I agree with Moody, flat part holds the cheese. Maybe you guys should create a poll on this issue.

  7. candlehelper Says:

    Oh My, You are both wrong. And, you are both right. By Webster’s definition. The higest part is the top, and the lowest part is the bottom. If you turn it over or stand it on it’s side everything changes. I always put stuff that might fall off on top. Sometimes on flat top and sometimes on bubbly top, but never do I put my knofe or spoon on the under side to put my stuff on, it might fall off. I really don’t pay much attention to which side I am doing. However, if you stood a cracker on it’s side you would not get much cheese on your cracker putting it on top(edge). So I guess you would need to do a side if you wanted much stuff on it. This has got to be one of the all time great discussions.

  8. candlehelper Says:

    Oh forgot to mention, my Webster is so old it does not have definitions for website or internet.

  9. The Moody Foodie Says:

    I don’t put a lot of thought into it, I just do it. I lay the crackers out on the plate (salt side down) and then apply the toppings.

    I loves me some mayo. Sometimes I just spread mayo on a cracker and eat it…mmmmm… This is, of course, not to be confused with Miracle Whip, which is nasty.

    What I want to know is, how old is your “knofe”?

  10. Lorie McMullen Says:

    I was about to write and ask “does it really matter” and then realized I am the one who changes the toilet paper roll at friends’ houses if they put it on the roll the WRONG way. 🙂 Don’t know if there is a right way or wrong way to eat a cracker, but I’d say eating it the way you like it is the RIGHT way. Such as the Oreo cookie–do we take it apart, lick out the icing, eat both sides plain, eat one side plain and one with icing, or eat it as a whole? Hmmmm.

    Prayers for your mom and hugs to all.
    Lorie (and Jim and Pat)

  11. Theresa Says:

    The salt needs to be next to the tongue. I fold towels width -wise because they stack better in my linen closet–though I do realize I’ve made work for myself when I hang them. Oh well.

  12. TC Says:

    You don’t even want to hear about the arguments at my house about which way a cake slice should lie on a plate. Oy.

    And is your hubs an engineer? Geez, those guys are soooo anal.

  13. Melanie Says:

    Hey girlie – somehow my blog went missing. I made a ‘nother tho. Come see me.

    Hmmm… I’ve never given much thought as to how a saltine is to be eaten – properly, that is.

    I will be giving it serious consideration the rest of the day.

  14. Melanie Says:

    Oh – and also… you get flooded out?! Kinda worried aboutcha. We had massive flooding here – some clean up to do. Talk at me – let me know you’re ok.

  15. sunydazy Says:

    Salt side up for me–with butter–the real butter –or PB and grape J!
    As for towels…I’m with you.

  16. Michelle M Says:

    holy cow, I have no idea how I eat them! I just cram them in my mouth and chew! LOL

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